Yesterday the internet exploded when more of the casting decisions behind the Ocean’s 11 (now being called Ocean’s 8… because there are eight of them, get it) reboot. Everyone was losing their shit—not over the fact that Helena Bonham Carter and Rihanna would not only share the same time and space but might also exchange dialogue, but because ladies. Eight of them. And ladies are gross apparently.

I’m not going to waste any more time on what sad little men do when they have access to the internet. You can do a search for yourself and marvel at just how sad and little they are. Instead, here are some facts:

Fact One: The story alone is awesome. Just like a band of women ghostbusters is awesome, a band of women heisters is awesome too. (Also, I’m super surprised that heisters is already a real word, but kind of sad that I can’t claim I coined it.)

Fact Two: The casting is impressive. We’ve got (some confirmed-confirmed, some yet to be): Sandra Bullock, Anne Hathaway, Cate Blanchett, Helena Bonham Carter, Rihanna, Mindy Kaling and Awkwafina. Wow, right? I can imagine the casting meetings went something like:

“We need to appeal to Tim Burton fans!”
“And the comedy and sometimes football drama fans!”
“Also the music fans!”
“Also the TV fans!”
“And the rap fans!”
“And the Australian fans!”
“I thought she was British?”
“Nah, mate, she’s totally an Aussie.”
“Interesting, interesting.”
“I hear Anne Hathaway is free.”
“Yeah, toss her in for good measure!”


It is so diverse in so many different ways, it boggles my mind. I am already hoping that these women become BFFs in real life and continue hanging out long after the film is over. And that they invite me to their slumber parties. Because you know they will have slumber parties and, oo boy, they will be the bomb.

Fact Three: Okay, but the story could do some work. It was reported earlier in the summer that they are all heisting to steal a necklace from the Met Gala. Sigh. Big heaving sigh. Oh, what would ladies want to steal? A necklace! Apparently it’s to frame a “villainous gallery owner,” not to wear to a party, so at least there’s that. But, dammit, there were so many cooler directions the story could’ve gone in. Literally anything else, for example. (My father agrees and said in an email, "It would have been much better if they were stealing eight Super Bowl tickets to give to their husbands and boyfriends in appreciation for being so good to them." My father also thinks he's real funny.)

Fact Four: Also, it has to be said, the whole “let’s reboot this but with women and/or people of colour” is getting old. It’s also a bit lazy. We want original female stories too (and also women behind the camera, ahem), dammit. But, this is at least a step in the right direction and I love heist movies so damn much, so I can't really complain. Too much.

Fact Five: If you counted above, you would’ve noticed that they’ve only cast seven of the eight members. That leaves one woman left to be cast, but who will it be? I have my own wish list going:

Sally Field: she’d keep it real.
Sally Field as Sassy the cat from Homeward Bound: she’d keep it even more real. And be able to fit into small spaces.
Barb from Stranger Things: she needs this heist, guys.
Celine Dion: every crew needs a diva, and she can distract the bad guys with her Canadian-ness.
Sofia Boutella: with or without those legs from Kingsman.
Damien from Mean Girls: he blends in so well with his hoody/sunglasses disguise.
Kerry Washington: Kerry Washington as Oliva Pope would also be acceptable.
Sia: it just seems right.

Who do you want as the eighth member of Team Ocho?