Last year we unveiled a new monthly column called 'Agony Aunt', which we sadly never launched. Thankfully 2012 has given us a mighty kick up the ass, which means we can bring you the inaugural 'Agony Aunt' column. Every month Elizabeth Sankey (Summer Camp) will answer 3 of the best questions sent into us; from serious life dilemmas, to what you should call your new pet chinchilla.


"Being someone to whom multiple social faux pas happen on an hourly basis, over the years I have accumulated a catalogue of cringing experiences. Thus I feel huge empathy with others over their own tight spots. Throughout this I strongly urge everyone to address me as aunty. No, nanny. Actually neither."


To take part, just send your questions to hello@thefourohfive.com, or send them to us via our twitter or facebook page.

To kick things off, our American News Editor Katie Carroll put together a few movie themed questions to test Sankey's problem solving powers. She did well. Very well.





Dear Elizabeth,

So there's this senior at my school, Jake. He's a total babe and super popular, and I've had a crush on him forever. I thought he had no clue I even existed, but I heard he asked about me at the dance! I'm so nervous--I'm not exactly prom queen material--but should I talk to him?

Hey Sam. So this is always tricky. Just because a boy asked about you doesn't mean he likes you. Maybe he was asking, "Was that food on her face?" or, "When did she start doing crack?" However, for some reason I think maybe Jake would like you. As long as you didn't do something stupid like let a geek look after your underwear for the evening so he could charge the other geeks money to look at it, or pose with it for photographs. But who would do a silly thing like that?! No, the best thing to do is wait it out. Try and laugh a lot when Jake looks over at you so you seem really fun and chilled out.Then when he does talk to you, act as though you really want to talk to him but you have to run off after a minute because you're so popular and busy and independent. This will make him want to show up at your sister's wedding in his convertible and take you home so he can give you a huge birthday cake. That may or may not be innuendo.

*****

Dear Elizabeth,

I just realized I like my best friend--after he asked out the most popular girl in school. And the worst thing is, I'm going to be third wheel on their date. (Almost literally: I'm going to be their chauffeur. Awkward.) Should I tell him how I feel, before it's too late?

For some reason I get the feeling you play the drums. Am I right? OK well everyone knows girls who drum are the finest beasts ever to walk the earth. Example: Anna Prior from 'Metronomy'. As for this "popular girl", is she actually that popular? Or is it just that your lame "best friend" is taken in by the fact this girl has longer hair than you and doesn't wear cut off leather gloves? Seriously, how on earth do you think they're a good idea? Either way, he's probably not worth getting het up over. Also I imagine Miss. Popular's ex boyfriend is going to try and bring down the object of your affections, since he's trying to date above his own class (unthinkable) and when he does, it will be you who is there for him. This act of loyalty (as with all acts of loyalty) will make your best bud suddenly find you irresistible and he will want to put his diamond studs in your ears. This is definitely innuendo.

*****

Dear Elizabeth,

I think I'm in too deep with this guy. We bonded because we both hate the popular girls--I'm part of their crowd and all, but I'm sick of them controlling everyone. Anyway, he wanted to 'teach them a lesson', but I think he got too serious to fast. I mean, drinking drain cleaner? Way harsh. And I get the feeling that's not the end of it. How do I get out of this mess?

What's your damage Veronica? He's totally hot and you know it. This is going to be so very, and by then end of it you will have faked your own suicide, helped to portray two of the schools' meatheads as tormented homosexual lovers, and watched said dream guy blow himself up. If that's not living then I don't know what is. Lick it up baby.