Label: Ark Recordings Release date: 21/09/09 Website: Alberta Cross play radio-friendly, bluesy rock. It’s an awful thing to say, but it’s true. They are the kind of band that seems to have consciously sat down and decided not to even attempt to be original. In years to come they will be nothing but a pointless speck on the history of humankind’s musical endeavours. The music they make is not directly offensive, which is a shame as that makes them even less interesting. Do not be confused by the feedback or the fact they have successfully tuned their instruments, Alberta Cross are essentially talentless and not worthy of penetrating your ear drums. They are so bland and middle of the road, so depressingly pointless, thatlarge numbers of people seem to have confused a lack of imagination for ‘potential’. Let us look at this in more detail. Singer Stakee’s whiney vocals are intensely irritating, especially when mixed with his disgraceful lyrics. For instance, “I just wanna feel, cause I can’t relate” gets repeated so often you’re not sure whether you should be crying with laughter or burping a small amount of vomit into your mouth. Then there are the philosophical gems such as, “We’re all people hanging around, we’re all people going around. We just follow, we’re just people.” Great. But this all becomes understandable, if not excused, when put into context: Staake is Swedish, a people seemingly incapableof successfully delivering anything but whimsical pop or death metal. And then there’s the blues and the rock. The foundations of contemporary music that have been endlessly explored by many musical legends. Alberta Cross will need a little more than noise and reverb to put a fresh slant on this brand. The album conjures offhand comparisons to Led Zeppelin and The Verve; in the same way you may watch a fairly decent pub band and make those connections. Why buy this fairly decent pub band’s CD when you already own The Verve and Led Zep? And you don’t even listen to The Verve anymore. In 2008, Alberta Cross supported Oasis on tour, which is about as good as it gets for a boring bluesy rock band. The Noel Gallagher seal of approval is also just about all the evidence I should need in convincing you all of the above is the God’s honest truth. I ask you to join me in forgetting you ever heard of Alberta Cross. It’s for your own good. Rating: 3/10