The 405's Lior Phillips presents 'Don't Be The Worst' - a brief glance at all the terrible/wonderful things that have happened over the past week. Dig in.

Hell in a ham basket I don't know about you but after this week, I'm nowhere near satisfied. The recent news coming out of the Music Industry's orifice felt just like a bunch of lovers giving foreplay and no one getting any real action. The real penetrating, mind-blowingasmic kind of action. Sure there were announcements for things to come, but no actually things have actually come. No coming, I repeat, no one has actually come.

(Spolier Alert: Yet? maybe Justin Beliebs finally got his come-uppings in Jail - please oh god of good)

I'm so horn-gry for you Music World! I want head-banging and hair-pulling delight! I call this classic industry tactic: "the floating pool noodle". Like when someone touches you so gently during foreplay you can barely feel it. Festival lineups announcements, album announcements, TV show announcements. Yeah sure the anticipation rouses some excitement, hells I mean even giggled a little bit! To use the words of one of the best-bands-named-after-fruits...

"Do you have to let it linger..."?

The Worst Threesome

Admittedly - we finally hit the perfect trifecta with Drake, Lorde and Bieber. If there ever was a justification of my dislike for the hideously uninspired shyte some artists put out and label as music - it would be royal asshole Lorde's cover of Tears for Fears 'Everybody wants to rule the world', Drakes's rubbishly unfunny performance on SNL and Biebs getting arrested in Miami in a Lamborghini, snapped grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Do I even need to mention the lambo was a rental too? Also probably not a good time to tell you that the company behind Justin's movie is called 'open road'. Or maybe that my phone autocorrects 'Bieber' to 'Burger' quite poetically? That's all he is, apiece of meat for horn-gry tattooed men to feast on.

Get Fondled by a Festival

BBC Radio 6 Music tickled the spot with announcing that they'll be holding their own festival in Feb/March. With The National, Jagwar Ma, Metronomy, James Blake, Wild Beasts, Bombay Bicycle Club and Kelis - I've prematurely hyperventilated already.

Damon Albarn will headline Latitude Festival too and I think he needs to be given some oxygen for being so high up on the bill.

Get Touched by a Prince

Your chance to be penetrated by a real Prince are nearly here! Fear not - I heard he's a grower. He'll be heading to London from 3rd February for a tour called 'Hit and Run'. Now please leave me alone whilst I gag myself with my own sock to stop myself from making up more puns.

...Then a few days later Wild Beasts and Bombay Bicycle Club are set to play at the first ever Fly Awards show on the 6th at the London Forum. I pray for a good performance by these boys.

Get On Top Of Up And Coming albums

Death Grips are recording a new album!

Damon Albarn out April 27/28!

Interpol recording new album finally!

Mac DeMarco's new album out March 31st/1st April!

Eels 11th full-length album released in April!

Belle and Sebastian album out in Autumn everywhere!

Big Boi releasing a solo album!

...and Radiohead are still teasing us.