I'm about to Gabe-Day-Lose-it on y'all. Really. Please close your eyes, tilt your head toward the sky and just imagine my hideous outrage after hearing there's a real band covered in real human skin, with real teeth and everything. Called? Ass To Mouth. Possibly the only A-T-M in the world that I don't want anything coming out of. I'd rather eat a bee, thank you.

We've all been a bunch of misery guts lately though haven't we? It's the pre-traumatic Holiday-stress-disorder. Understandable, because of this week's gyrating artists, jerky bike riding lovers and how World Toilet Day coincided with International Men's Day.


Mouthing Off

Meet Gabe Day Lewis, the son of Daniel Day Lewis and now kindly roll yourself in filter papers and set your hair alight. No one has realized yet that rapper Gabe Lewis is actually Daniel Day-Lewis just preparing for his next role in his next movie where he plays his own son. Hindsight is a slippery bugger.

Gyrating Gag-a

The Grammy Award-winning, Multi-Platinum Selling Superstar R. Kelly is set to release his new album called... Black Panties. In related news, The World previously described R Kelly as 'A Massive Turd'. On the 16th November 2013, Lady Gaga and R. Kelly attempted to stay relevant on a beloved TV Show. Blasphemy! Watch it here though okay?

Grinding Newlyweds

"You see North West, when two people love each other they drive down a lonely dusty interstate together and...."

I've witnessed people describing Kanye West's new music video Bound 2 as "terrible", "shocking" and "really bad". Whilst I completely understand that at the best of times, the vocabulary of our peers leaves much to be desired. I'm just asking for the truth really. This is the worst song and video in the history of the world, ever. To quote the Internet "I can't even" so click here if you're a raging masochist.


You've Got The Clap

I migrated toward Pharell's 24hoursofhappy video for some comfort-eating. If you're really busy and can't catch the whole day, it's basically different versions of me in costume and makeup dancing to the same Pharrell song for 24 hours. It really shows my versatility and if it's taught us anything important kids, it's that we all have a debilitatingly short attention spans.

All By My Selfie

World? You absolute prick. 'Selfie' has now been named the Word of the Year so now kindly roll all your belongings in bathmats, shit all over the walls and set your entire family and house, on fire.

To flog the horse of Kanye's music, let's conclude. Winamp died, Arcade Fire fans were merely 'reminded' to wear their usual attire to concerts, Lauryn Hill felt inspired in prison and plans to do more shows and 2014 is sure to be the year of the comeback.

That's what she said.

Yours, ripe in season,