In a new series of features for The 405, Michael Park of Fadvertising fame will be dissecting various adverts you might have come across during a recent cinema trip. Fadvertising Goes To The Movies - '99 Problems but a Magnum Ain't One' Hello, 405 readers! If you're not applauding by now then I suppose that my dream of being a rock n' roll magazine writer has died and it was you that killed it. So thanks. Seriously (as serious as you'll get in something aiming to be comedic) though, my name is Michael and I'm going to be writing a few snippets of my thoughts down on these here internets and The 405 have kindly allowed me to break free from my shell at Fadvertising and take myself to the movies! Of course, with this being a magazine about music, film and art you might think that I'm going to be dissecting films but oh no. I've got something else in mind for you. I'm going to be taking a look at the beginning of any cinema experience. Not the trailers, not the bit in the foyer where you buy your popcorn but the adverts. After all, the only time that advertisers have a truly captive audience is in the cinema. You can't change channels, you can't mute it, you've just got to sit there and catch whatever excrement the suits in 'corporate' decide to throw at you. Now, one of the things I really love more than anything is when it's clear to all and sundry that the branding department of a company has been given most of the Gross National Product of a small African nation in order to peddle a product. This is clearly the case in the star-studded advert (or should I say trailer?) for Magnum Gold.
Yes, there's Academy Award Winner Benicio Del Toro and Caroline Correa, a woman who is genetically designed to make people in cinemas think "Is that Angelina Jolie?" mucking about in a bank under the direction of Bryan Singer (of Usual Suspects and X Men fame, as well as Superman Returns infamy). Don't let the slickness of this advert or the fact that all-in-all it cost over £3 million put you off: it's beyond irritating. For a start, sitting in the cinema, barely paying attention you might actually think that this is a film trailer and Del Toro and Correa really are after 75 million pieces of gold! The excitement! Now hang on everyone. They're married and they work together? Whoa, that's wacky. How can they ever function as both husband and wife and colleagues?! Oh, wait. They're criminals. That goes some way to explaining it. It does play on the old 'husband and wife' stereotype that is so often the staple of both advertising and stand-up comedy. She's cleverly made him think one thing and gone and done another! Ohhhhh, silly Benicio. There was me thinking that this was going to be a simple heist with a clever twist ending where they evade the police using plasticine representations of themselves having sex in the vault or something. I haven't given it a lot of thought (okay, I have).
Photobucket The Inspiration for the Advert
I suppose the real question is what the hell is she going to do with 75 million Magnums? She's quite a slim lady and she clearly looks after herself so I'm questioning whether there's such a thing as the 'Magnum Diet'? Perhaps she wants to steal all of those Magnums so that she can write a book on how to lose weight by only eating luxury ice-creams. There's where the real money is! I was beginning to think that it might be a bit too much effort to break into the Bank of Magnum's vault just to steal ice-cream but it does make sense when you consider the potential amount of money that this unconventional couple might make from the book deal. More power to their elbow, I say. The lesson that this advert is trying to teach us is that sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do in order to further our life goals. We have to find ways to achieve our goals whether it's going to school and university to get into the career we want, or taking unpaid work experience to gain experience or even trying out every sport possible just in case you're naturally gifted at it. In this case our happy couple have decided to steal 75 million Magnum Golds in order to create a fad diet that they can write a book about. It's a brilliant scheme and we can all learn something from its simple brilliance. Thanks, Magnum. Written by Michael Park