In a new series of features for The 405, Michael Park of Fadvertising fame will be dissecting various adverts you might have come across during a recent cinema trip. Fadvertising Goes To The Movies - Just Emptying the Dishwasher, You Bitch. Hello again, readers of The 405. I'm not going to waste time- there's important things to discuss. Like for instance, the price of Gold. Yeah... what's up with that? In all seriousness though, you'll no doubt remember what I was saying in my last piece about cinema advertisers taking advantage of their captive audience to ram longer versions of unbearable TV adverts down your throat. Oh. You don't? Don't worry, I just reiterated it. I think the current front runner for this would be the Vodafone advert where a lovely Daddy drops everything to look after the best interests of his little girl. Aww! Isn't that cute? NO! No, it's not. There are so many holes in this advert it looks like John Dillinger's autopsy photo (What? Too soon?). I assume you've all seen it by now, given that the video is embedded right there and that you're probably sitting with that warm, fuzzy feeling that you're supposed to get from seeing him rush to his daughter's aid but let me dispel these myths for you. For a start, he's being made Director of his company. Now, I don't know how parent-child relationships work but I'd imagine that if something that big and important is happening, you'd tell your offspring about it if not solely just to rub it in their face about how successful you are. That doesn't appear to have happened here. Either that or she forgot. That would make her a total bitch who is not to be pitied but pilloried and thrown out of normal society, destined to live out the rest of her days cold and alone. Also, her first comment is that her boyfriend/husband/pet has 'left her'. To leave someone would imply that he went away from the home that they shared and took his possessions somewhere else. Unless the couple lived in a car, that doesn't seem to be the case here which implies that there's two sides to this story. It seems that she must have left him to me. She tried! She tried to understand what he wanted but when all your boyfriend wants is you to f**k off, I'd imagine it's hard to be the happy couple you always dreamt of being. What I really don't understand about this advert is why he went all that way when they clearly appear to have talked through it on the phone (which is the whole point of the advert). He could have gone back to the restaurant, delivered his speech and been carried out on a chair while people sang sea-shanties depicting success and prosperity (if such shanties exist). Instead, here he is paying a fortune for a taxi while she sits bawling her eyes out over a mess she's made by not caring about anyone but herself. I don't know if the message of this advert is designed to have you hate this girl but by the end of it I do. She doesn't even remember when he's sitting right there that he's been dragged away from the most important night of his life. Quite frankly I reckon it's time for her to buy a few cats and accept her fate. When you're that much of an inconsiderate bitch, no-one's going to love you except your father. Written by Michael Park