Language: English Runtime: 83 minutes Rating: Unrated. (Was also turned into the MPAA and received an NC-17 for extreme violence and gore.) Links: Trailer, IMDb Sometimes, I don’t know whether to rate a movie based on how good it was or how much I enjoyed it. If the latter were true, it’d be a 25 / 10. Adam Green's Hatchet had me screaming ‘fuck yeah!’ more than most anything I’ve seen this year. Since it’s release, the tagline for it has always stuck with me; Old School American Horror. I wasn’t quite sure that that meant. I must admit, I was initially turned away from it because it was listed as comedy / horror for its genre and previous titles with this listing such as The Tripper and Severance just downright sucked. I decided ‘what the hell’ and watched it anyway. It opens with a pretty recycled scene, two characters having a good time in the middle of nowhere. These two characters happen to be horror legend, Robert Englund and some other guy and the location; a swamp. We see something come out of the water and pretty much tear them to pieces. As most horror movies, this is the initial set-up. It is Mardi Gras weekend and after getting dumped, Ben (Joel Moore) just doesn’t feel like being around the festivities. Him and faithful, but complaint-filled buddy, Marcus, find a little ‘Haunted Swamp Boat Tour’ and think it might be a nice time. Once there, we meet the rest of the characters for our nice little outing: the slutty girls, the horny guy, the nice, elderly couple, the mysterious woman. And of course, we’ve already met the innocent guy and the “token black guy” as Not Another Teen Movie would put it. As Hatchet went on, I realized that the comedy wasn't in the actual humor itself, but rather in how intentionally bad the movie was. I suppose one could classify it as a ‘spoof’. Anyway, through a series of events, our comrades end up onshore in the middle of the island and are faced with a deformed man who was accidentally killed by his father with a hatchet when he was younger. (The man is played by another horror icon, Kane Hodder.) Actually, it is pretty cool that 4-time Jason portrayer and Mr. Freddy Kruger appear in the same film that has nothing to do with either one of these characters. So, people in the middle of nowhere, killer butchering them. This movie has some of the best gore scenes I’ve ever seen. (Our killer, Victor Crowley gets pretty creative with a belt sander.) Here's an example of the kind of gore you can expect from Hatchet. I guess it would be only proper for me to post a spoiler warning, but shouldn't you expect everyone to die from the type of movie this is anyway? Like I said, Hatchet is in no means a good movie, but it wasn’t meant to be. If you take it seriously, you’ll dislike it. The constant “homage” to the horrible acting, larger-than-life killer, stereotypical characters, and buckets of blood of the 1980’s is something of a “thank you” for being a horror fan for all these years. And to director Adam Green and this wonderful cast, I’d like to say “No, I insist, thank you.” ( 8 / 10)

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