Look up CIA, FBI, MI5, GCHQ – all of them have a very large Wikipedia page. Look up Lahav 443 and… one small page. I guess it's because this is a younger organisation than the others; started up in 2008, Lahav (meaning "blade") 433 is Israel's secret police – the "Israeli FBI" – dedicated to stomping out corruption and organised crime, amongst other things.

So, a combined effort between a private investigation firm and Lahav 433's cyber crime unit has resulted in the detention of a 39-year-old Israeli person – who cannot be named – in relation to the leak late last year of Madonna's new album Rebel Heart; this was reported earlier today (21st January) by Israel's Channel 2.

We can all rest easy now. Thank goodness for overkill on this one. I wonder how much Madonna (or the label) offered the PI firm and maybe even Lahav 433 to give this task their Best Efforts and to make it their Number One Priority. Because she is a Very Important Person and also Quite Influential.

Remember: because it's happened to Madonna, IT'S LITERALLY THE WORST THING TO HAVE EVER HAPPENED. Her exact words were: "Obviously there is a person, or a group of people, behind this that were essentially terrorising me" (obviously). She then went a tad overboard and called it "artistic rape".

A statement from Lahav 433 dispelled any ambiguity behind Madonna's words, namely that nobody was really terrorising her:

"[The suspect] broke into the personal computers of several international artists over the past few months and stole promotional final-cut singles which have yet to be released and traded them online for a fee."

From where I'm seeing things, this seems like overkill, seems like making an example. Sure, it's a crime in a way, but in other ways the punishment shouldn't be this harsh. People like Madonna are the new elite, the new bourgeoisie, trying to perpetuate their economic supremacy endlessly. And her name alone, her royal mononym, has attracted Cool Artists to work on her new album, including production SOPHIE and Diplo and vocal work from Nas and Nicki Minaj.

Despite remaining anonymous, local Israeli news claims that the suspect in question (probably having their teeth broken or something as I type) was a former contestant on one of Israel's TV talent shows.