After the release of his autobiography (published by Penguin Classics, no less) Morrissey was quick to release a statement regarding his sexuality.

"Unfortunately, I am not homosexual. In technical fact, I am humasexual. I am attracted to humans. But, of course ... not many."

Humasexual. Interesting. What the book doesn't mention is what readers should do now that they've got an irrepressible image of Morrissey getting intimate with another human being burned onto the inside of their eyelids. Oh god, please let it end.

Listen to the first page of Morrissey's memoir being sang by comedian Peter Serafinowicz here.