Crocodile Dundee's Barry Hogan, esteemed leader of the Association of Tennis Professionals, has finally admitted this week that he didn't actually give his Alligator teeth to Wimbledon Tennis Club. In fact, we saw on Bebo that the tennis will be cancelled until "if and when" it actually takes place, and then it only won't be cancelled because it'll be happening. Although technically it could still be postponed. Big Baz Dundee says there is only one thing that you really need to do, you must give all of your spare gator teeth to him, so that he can make many more necklaces to hang around his neck. Don't ask any questions, and don't for god sake ask if he will give the tennis players any necklaces. The Association of Tennis Professionals is made up of tennis players with integrity, who play for the love of the game, they are not motivated by fancy gator teeth necklaces. Everybody knows that.

The real problem here, and I think deep down we all know this, is the unbelievable speed that people can pass words amongst themselves nowadays, with new fangled technology and whatnot. You speak to me, I instantly understand the words, it's like we talking in the same language. With those words, the ones you speak and I understand, you ask for an explanation. You want to know what happened to all your gator teeth. The man with all the necklaces looks at you angrily, shrugs his shoulders, then walks away. My top friend on myspace said that as he went he overheard him say "I guess it's time to get a real job, but that's ok, I was getting tired of killing crocodiles."

Here are your Singles of the Week:


Glad Hand - 'Shape Your Fever Close'

This is all kinds of wonderful. It's only the second song that the band have put online, but they appear to have recorded an album and they are playing some hip venue in The London later this month. Lesser men would call it a massive pop banger, because that's exactly what it is.


Beach - 'Donuts'

Dublin's Beach, sound like Girl Band covering Suuns, which in these trying times, is absolutely perfect.


Throws - 'The Harbour'

This is a great music video. The song is totally fucking transcendent too. I don't know who they are, but I heard that an album would be coming at some point, so you should probably be excited about that.


Bür Gür -'"If I was A Child'

An upbeat song with utterly miserable lyrics. What a joy. It's taken from an album coming out in April, if your memory lasts that long, it's worth remembering.


"Don't we all play for the love of the game?"


Thank all of your fictional gods, now you don't have to read the words to listen to the music I feature, I made a spotify playlist with as many songs from this year as I could find on there... but I think that's quite enough. I promise to give this column all of the care and attention that something that is outdated and overlooked in a couple of days deserves. You can submit your music to The 405 by using your initiative and clicking around the site, although I will unsubscribe from your mailing list. Have a great day.