It's hard being out here on the farm, honestly, we hardly sleep at all. It's force of habit from the old routine. In the years before we bought the big telescope we'd have to get up in the middle of the night, pull on our boots and trudge in the dark for miles over to the neighbouring farm, all so we could see what content they were farming for clicks. Way back further before when, we used to have to wait and see what they had at the market, then just stare in awe as they took more and more of our share. We needed to do something drastic to stay afloat.

It's different now, obviously, so much has changed. I can crawl up into the loft space above the newly built barn, press my eye to the lens of the telescope, and see what they are doing in relative comfort. I watch them all day in real time; taking tweets and planting them in individual fields. Sometimes people arrive with long letters and the man with the pitchfork always shakes his head, rips them up into three or four pieces, then sends them to be planted in separate fields. I sit up here, watching, and I practise the way he gesticulates as he talks, as I move my arms through the air I imagine my words fitting into the cadence of his sentences. I dream of the day I will Talented Mr Ripley him on a boat and nobody would notice the difference.

For us the point is to match them at least, so that when we get to market we look roughly the same, then we can rely on our charm and good looks to sell what we have. Although mostly it gets sold because we know folks there, we've made a point of knowing folks there, we went out of our way to know folks there. Thinking about it, I couldn't even imagine having to rely on my charm and good looks, we wouldn't make enough money to eat. Anyway, here are your singles of the week:


The Lemon Twigs - 'As Long We're Together'


Law Holt - 'Spit'


The Veils - 'Axolotl'


Flamingosis - 'Believe In Me'


Andrew Todd - 'Worry'



Here's a spotify playlist with as many songs from my column this year as i could find on there... but I think that's quite enough. I promise to give this column all of the care and attention that something that is outdated and overlooked in a couple of days deserves. You can submit your music to The 405 by using your initiative and clicking around the site, although I will unsubscribe from your mailing list. Have a great day.