It's here. Saturday is here. What a big day I am about to have.

I started bright and early at 10am. I picked up my friend Vanessa from her hotel, and we went and got tattoos! I told you we were gonna do it and we did it. She got a heart-shaped pizza. I got a rock. I'd never had a tattoo for breakfast before! It was a fun way to begin Saturday.

From there we went to Waterloo Records to check out Alvvays (Toronto, Ontario). I liked them. I thought it was nice pop that made me want to bop around. I also thought the singer's voice sounded like Neko Case but 20% as robust. Vanessa said a band member's dad was a famous radio guy and put their single on the air immediately, which I guess is sort of cheating a little. To be fair though, if the single wasn't any good it wouldn't have stayed on the air, no one would have bought their record and no one would go to their shows. Just sayin'.

We picked up some dinner and went back to the hotel. Sitting down felt really nice. I almost didn't stand back up, but Vanessa's friends Life In Vacuum (Toronto, Ontario) were playing a house show soon and I hadn't been to one of those in years! So we took off.

The show was at House of Commons, a student housing co-op near the University of Texas. It is a pretty punk rock place but the crowd was very respectful of the bands, gear, other audience members and the many gardens. The cops came for noise! The door was open the whole time and a bunch of thrashy bands were playing, so I can't say I'm surprised. They left pretty quickly.


The show was running really behind, so there were still a couple of bands before our friends were supposed to play. One of these bands was Haunted (San Antonio, TX). They sounded just like a noisy thrashy metal band. Their last song was great; nice and funky but still heavy and super fast. They should write more of those kinds of songs.

Life in Vacuum was great! Not that I thought they'd be bad, but you know how sometimes people just go to their friends' shows for moral support and not because they like how it sounds? This was not one of those times. I really liked them. I mean at first I was going for moral support and to hang out, but I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked them. Great job, thumbs up, gold star. If they come through your town, check them out. They are two brothers plus Dylan. The brothers are not twins, they just look alike and my friends are face-blind. I farted on Dylan to assert my dominance and all the boys thought it was very hilarious.

Other things scrawled in my notebook from that house show:

-drank beer while peeing, was v spiritual

-peed in a bush, on a sorority

-stole toilet paper from Hole In The Wall

-fuck yeah south by!

I guess I had to pee a lot that day. Toilet paper is the single most important thing anyone could bring with them to SXSW. I learned that last year.

The next band that played sounded like The Sword but younger and less stoned. Very nice and heavy. Vanessa told me they were called Whiskey Dick but she is a liar and they are actually called Resinator (Champagne, IL). They are also really funny. I took Vanessa for Whataburger for the first time ever (you're welcome) and we all reconvened at her hotel for a hotel room party. It was me, her, and like eight dudes. I left soon after we got there to see Mumiy Troll's official showcase.


I hopped in an Uber and wove my way down Rainey Street. Leah (my boss) had asked me to come to the showcase, and I got there right perfectly on time! I shared my Whataburger with her and she was very excited to see me. She also fired me six times over the course of the night so I know she was having fun. Mumiy Troll did great! They were all wearing red and everyone was dancing. I talked to someone about film distribution for a while, rolled a cigarette and suddenly it was 2am. I hopped back into an Uber, and the driver complimented my Aerosmith shirt. He said 'Sweet Emotion' is his favorite song. I asked what his second favorite song was, and he said 'Sweet Child O' Mine'.

Back at the hotel, everyone was pretty silly. They'd gotten into my tequila which was kind of a bummer but in reality probably a blessing in disguise. Vanessa went to sleep, my friend Gillian came over for a little bit, and I ended up staying up until 7:30am smoking weed and cigarettes with Ross, one of the Life In Vacuum guys. Boy is he cute.

One hour and ten minutes later, I woke up and took Vanessa to the airport. I am very sad she is gone. I went to breakfast with the Resinator guys since Life In Vacuum had taken off for Dallas already. I didn't even get to say goodbye! Then I drove home and fell asleep for one hundred years.

Just kidding, it was only one day. I didn't see a single band, and while I wanted to go with my roommates to the closing parties where all of our homies were, I also liked how it felt to lay down so I continued lying down. I slept for a full 24 hours!

Since technically Sunday is still an official SXSW day, and I literally slept through the entire day and don't have any new bands to report on, here are some interviews I conducted throughout the week with various artists.

Which is cuter, a kitten yawning or a puppy stretching?

Reggie Watts: Kitten yawning

Sean Spits (The Spits): I'm a Leo, so kittens.

Vockah Redu: Kittens

Sean (Resinator): I guess it depends on how they look. Depends on the dog for sure. [His answer was really long]

If you could be any body of water, what would you be?

Reggie Watts: ...Adriatic?

Sean Spits: The ocean. Actually, a tsunami.

Matt (Lowell): A river. A big, dirty river.

Vockah Redu: [thinks for a long time] ...water from Mars.

Darwin (Resinator): Iroquois River!

If you were a drug, what drug would you be?

Sean Spits: Cocaine. Maybe a little PCP.

Reggie Watts: I'm gonna go with Xanax.

Vockah Redu: Sativa

Curtis (Resinator): Adderall

Sam (Resinator): Uh, I don't have any liquor

Cake or pie?

Sean Spits: Cake

Vockah Redu: Cake

Vanessa (friend from earlier): Ice cream cake

Darwin (Resinator): Ooooooh. Pie. Birthday pie.

Curtis (Resinator): Pie

Sam (Resinator): Pie all day!

Okay last question. Let's say you, me and all our friends go camping, and it's a lot of fun and we all get real wasted. When you wake up in the morning, there's a roll of quarters stuck in your butt. Do you tell anyone?

Reggie Watts: yes

Pierce McGinty (Walter TV): yes

Sean Spits: Just my confidants. Just a few, if any.

Vockah Redu: Yes

Darwin (Resinator): Oh yeah

Sam (Resinator): Someone might have lost it

Curtis (Resinator): Yes, definitely

Do you want to go camping?

Reggie Watts: [laughs and gives me a hug]

Pierce McGinty: Sure

Sean Spits: Can I shoot anything?

Darwin (Resinator): Yes

Sam (Resinator): Do you have a roll of quarters?

Curtis (Resinator): [texting]

Vockah Redu: No







Tory Lanez