A needlessly sardonic view on what's been happening in the technology world over the last few days, and more importantly, who's been screwing up...


Nokia has found itself in an enviable position this week as it manages to secure a “new, slimmer model” - something that anyone on a persistent and lengthy downfall like this particular mobile communications company, will tell you is a huge feat.

The once favoured brand of mobile phone was hugely popular in simpler times when the most advanced piece of technology on board their handsets was the algorithm that allowed the Snake to pass through one side of the screen and then reappear on the other side.

However, as soon as colours were invented by Steve Jobs in 2004, Nokia found itself haemorrhaging sales from users when they failed to produce a handset that could produce more than just blues, and yellows. In conclusion, your consumer greed and thirst for purple effectively killed the Snake.

Anyhow, enough of the history lesson - the new phone is called the Lumia 925 – and has a whole raft of new features. So what are they? I'll allow chief executive Stephen Elop to reveal all:

"We have created a product that is a little bit more compact and a little bit more comfortable in the hand."

Oh. But that's not all, of course. After a ten year period of intense coding, the Snake can now disappear from the right of the screen and reappear from the top, blowing everyone's mind.

Would you get stupider if you eat dumb kids? Because that could explain a lot of the world's problems


Ever heard the phrase 'where there's smoke there's an embarrassing Google auto-complete'? Whether it's a businessman complaining about his name being linked to fraud, or a prostitute being linked to being an escort, or something like that.

Okay, I see the confusion here. So in what may be an entirely justified move, German courts have told Google to clean up its act when it comes to its auto-complete function.

Is this fair? Perhaps. But all I know is that if parents don't care that when their kids are doing their homework and search for "is their a cure for..." and get 'herpes' instead of 'the common cold' then I'm sure some businessman can handle being linked with fraud and just make himself feel better by buying a new car with all that fraudulent money he definitely didn't accrue by being a massive fraudie.

Onto aerodynamic news, it's been reported that an unmanned aircraft has been flown in UK airspace for the first time. It shared the skies with passenger aircraft and used on-board sensors and robotics to identify and avoid hazards.

While this may have been a first in the UK, Afghanistan has been monitoring this technology in their own airspace for over a decade.

While those behind the UK project refer to the plane as 'the Flying Testbed', the Afghans know this technology by a more familiar colloquialism: drones. And they're a little less excited by the whole thing.

Strangely though, the report goes on to note that the take off and landings were piloted by an on-board captain, while the rest of the flight was handled by a pilot on the ground.

This news came at great relief to Auto-Pilot who now believes his job remains safe.

Though if he did lose his job, Otto would likely return to acting...


Finally, we have a serious case of the pot calling the kettle black – Associated Press have hit out at the Obama administration which has managed to tap into the organisations communications and secretly obtain phone records from journalists and editors.

A taste of their own medicine? Or doesn't it matter while we're all wondering whether I should have chosen a different turn of phrase to introduce this story.

I guess we'll never know.

Jesus, B. It was just a joke

By Andy Price (Andyy_P)