A needlessly sardonic view on what's been happening in the technology world over the last few days, and more importantly, who's been screwing up...


August is renowned for being a slow month when it comes to news - and technology is no exception. For example, some of the top news this week has been a study that informs us that Facebook is just one big ballpark of bummed out, while elsewhere, children are being allowed to run amok on that network of social networks they've been campaigning for access to for years now; LinkedIn.

So it's easy to see the evidence but why is August is such a slow month for news? It's entirely fair to assume that companies are just slacking off either on their holidays, or in the pub. However, news has to come from somewhere and the Xbox team at Microsoft has announced it would be offering free Xbox One development kits to help address the perception that its rival in Sony was seen as more indie-friendly, fully outing itself for its laziness. Because it is of course just a major ruse to cover up the lack of productivity following Microsoft's month-long summer-slam beach party.

But back to Facebook for a minute - that new study this week revealed that the social network 'makes people feel worse about themselves'. While it doesn't go into too much detail about the subjects, they could well just have awesome friends that do awesome things, I have to say that I don't experience the 'fear of missing out' phenomenon that the report mentions. Today I read a status update from a girl that didn't make me feel like I was missing out on anything at all. She was looking after her baby. Her baby soiled itself so she started to change the nappy. Then the phone rang and she turned away JUST FOR A SECOND to answer it. By the time she turned back, her dog had eaten the whole nappy and had thrown up on the floor. However, now I feel bad that the poor girl had to deal with all of that. I can picture her exasperation, hanging up the phone and slumping against the wall, crying out for help, attention, from anywhere, from anyone. A tear rolls down her cheek, she wipes it away and gets up, sitting down at the computer... she begins to type. Oh man, now I... well, I feel awful.

SCIENCE!

Staying within the realms of social networking, it's also been revealed that LinkedIn plans to downgrade its minimum age from 18 to 13. This is an excellent idea as my teenage years were the most hardworking, having been in employment for various garden centres and paper rounds, and a life-affirming spell selling hoovers in John Lewis, these roles have no place on my current CV amongst a failed attempt at writing a blog about naga chillies and reviewing Jon Richardson DVDs, but I feel this hard working mentality should have deserved more exposure at the time.

However, Dr Hogan, who was quoted in an article on the BBC about the move warns that children could become a nuisance to existing users if they used the site to set up profiles with fake names. "You can't get employed under a fake name," he says, failing to really make any kind of point at all.

Let's return finally to the world of summer partying, the tech world knows it all too well - but lesser known is that even those on the questionable side of the law need a blowout.

Notorious file sharing hub Pirate Bay recently celebrated its tenth birthday by rocking the Swedish capital of Stockholm with a whole bunch of DJs and bands that offered to play. Tickets for the event, which was held at Wikparken in Upplands väsby cost 200 Swedish Kroner (just under £20) through crowd-sourcing website Crowdculture, though VIP tickets were closer to £50.

The main announcement at the event however, was that the Pirate Bay would be launching a Pirate browser, allowing those in countries where the site is blocked (North Korea, United Kingdom, Ireland, Denmark) to easily access the site. Because apparently downloading a browser is easier than typing piratebayproxy.org into your existing browser.

And it looks like the party was a hit - and child friendly too. Kids under 10 were allowed in for free. The criminal underworld hasn't been so gracious to families since the Mafia set up a bouncy castle in the olive groves of Sicily.

By Andy Price (Andyy_P)