It really amazes me that, in this day and age, general good manners are still completely and utterly ignored in the music industry. Or is it more than that?

For years I have been made to feel like shit by men who either totally ignore me, don’t look at me, or direct the conversation towards the male I am standing next to.

You shouldn’t need my resume, but here we go: I have been a DIY promoter, run a small 3-day indoor festival, started my own label, managed bands, and now I am a graphic designer. I have worked with amazing people and made memories I cherish and am thankful for, and I’ve worked with some absolute frikkin arseholes.

It is hard being a woman in the music industry; I have been asked when the actual promoter is going to show up. I have been asked for blow jobs. A writer once threw a bottle at me for having the audacity to dance on stage during a DJ set at a festival. A man who works for an indie label once told me to my face that the band I had just signed should sign to a ‘proper’ label.

I have been ignored, abused online, had my other half congratulated for things that I had done or we had done together, been spoken over. I have stifled back tears more times than I care to remember, hidden in the toilets crying, been unable to get out of bed as my confidence and self-worth were so low. Then put a brave face on, smiled, and pretended I was fine because all of this is what every woman has to go through in some form or other every fucking day in the music industry.

For the life of me I cannot understand where people’s basic manners have gone. Or is it just the fact that I have a vagina, and therefore am seen as not worthy to be in the music industry?

This has to change.

It has been a real privilege in the last few years to see the music scene progress from its ‘bro’ down years towards a more accepting and celebrated environment for women, gay, lesbian, trans and non-binary artists. Bands like Nervus, Spook School, Nelson Can, ITYIWEY, Annabel Allum and Doe are really paving the way for a scene that is inclusive, wonderful, and accepting of whatever/whoever you choose to be. It is a scene where you can rock up to a gig on your own and leave with a whole bunch of new friends. Shows that allow you to feel safe and respected, where you can chat about your favourite band with no-one chastising you, or making you feel small because you have an opinion.

However, we need to extend this respect to those people behind the scenes. The ones who also got into it for the love of music. I might be a bit of a daredevil for saying this but you might even have a nice time and get along with us!

If it helps, I made a quick checklist so it’s easier for you to double-check if you’re being a dick! Feel free to print it out.

*****Ten ways to avoid being a dick*****

1. Look at a person in the eye

2. If there’s a woman or someone you don’t know with a man that you do, you should at least acknowledge them

3. Don’t throw things at people, obviously

4. Don’t feel like you need to comment on somebody’s clothes

5. Try to remember a person’s name, don’t make me tell you again

6. Reply to people, online and in person

7. Don’t assume that just because you have a good/any job that you deserve sexual pleasures in return for helping someone in their career

8. Don’t just talk about yourself

9. Listen and wait for your turn to speak

10. Remember that the world does not just revolve around you and your shitty band

You can take a look at Rhi Lee's work here. If you want to talk, she is on twitter.