Holler. Bit of a feature led one this week, as after seeing Avengers Assemble on Friday but bound by journalistic oath (aka an NDA) not to talk too much about it until such a time as I can, I felt the need to brush up against that kind of thing anyhow. Make sure you look out for our review shortly, in the meantime, read on and make sure you go see Joss Whedon's other fantastic genre-piece 'Cabin In The Woods' this week, before someone spoils it all for you.

Don't feel like you need to read it all at once! Bookmark us or get that fancy Read It Later app, dip in and out, do with us what you will.

Danny - Film Ed.



Revengers: Convene!

- Danny Wadeson

With a pesky review embargo still in place It's with heavy heart and restless fingers that I report there will be no Avengers Assemble review herein. The film did get me thinking though, in true sat-round-the-pub-with-geeks fashion (although without the social space or indeed fellow humans) what other superheroes I'd love to see in a film together. Or at least, much better adaptations of... So below is my ideal roll call, for a rag-tag intergalactic team that will certainly, irrefutably, never meet on the silver-screen but perhaps, one day, somehow, will end up on it again in some shape or form.

1. The Phantom

In 1966 the big screen did see an adaptation of Lee Falk's creation The Phantom, featuring Billy Zane and Kristy Swanson (yeah..) as 'Christopher Walker' travelled from his native, fictional African country of Bangalla to NY to thwart a criminal...yadda yada. Bizarrely, The Phantom doesn't actually have any superpowers, his repertoire of skills consisting of natty threads, a fearsome reputation of being immortal (not true though) physical strength and a good dash of intelligence. So, similar to Nick Fury, Walker Jr. would have to be the leader figure who assembles the crack team capable of taking down the dastardly Dr. Robotnik in his bid to turn every living animal on the planet into a dangerous cyborg, for some inane reason.

2. Spawn

Y'all know Spawn right? Al Simmons, a US marine who unwillingly makes rather a bum deal with the devil Malebolgia and ends up as a hellspawn. Sadly, the 1997 version with Michael Jai White (who has since redeemed himself fully with the incredible and hilarious blaxpoitation parody 'Black Dynamite') was a flop, all exposition and mad plot-cramming and quick-to-age CGI. Still, the character is an incredibly well-developed one (in the comics anyway), all gray-area motives and fascinating conflicted interests, with some mad powers, and interestingly, very vulnerable once he over-uses them. Or rather, the more of his 'hell power' he expends on vanquishing brutal agents of Earth, Hell and even Heaven, the closer his soul gets to true damnation. A little less straightforward than superman then, and a whole lot more storied than Ghost Rider; he'd be the perfect firearms expert and reluctant anti-hero of the group. Won't someone give Jai White another chance...?

3. The Toxic Avenger

Every super-group needs comic relief right? Mop boy Melvin Junko could be this collection of renegades' hilarious, horrifically scarred/ugly and all-round disastrous ray of mirth. After falling in a vat of toxic waste, this cultish B-movie-esque studio Troma-conceived 'superhero' would be the one not afraid to get his hands dirty (it takes a certain kind of courage to stuff an old lady into a washing machine...) or to follow blindly the orders of his betters...or should that be contemporaries? Bizarrely, this film actually mutated into three sequels, so it's hard to make the case for Mitch Cohen to reprise the role on the basis of him not having his chance, but hey - Toxie's looks would certainly benefit from some fancy mocap, and his hulk-esque size, strength, and nerd-credentials would be a crowd-puller and worth addition to the team.

4. Wonder Woman

Batman's label-mate Wonder Woman hasn't faired quite so well in terms of being held up to the spotlight. Apart from an animation and a straight-to-DVD movie and a seriously hammy 70s TV series, Diana of Themyscira, Amazon warrior Princess hasn't seen much action. Which is a tragedy, seeing as she's totally bad-ass, can fly, has something called The Lasso of Truth (guess what it does) and can commune with animals. She'd be the perfect vanguard, with a bunch of scary animals in tow, and able in downtime to run an awesome petting zoo for the fun and edification of small children. Women are famously underrepresented in the comic-book-movie genre, and you'd think such a strong character could at least get some Hollywood backing. Just so long as it wasn't someone like Megan Fox playing her.

The Super Villain: Dormammu

No superhero/comic book film would be complete without a suitable menacing nemesis. Be they power mad scientists, extra-terrestrial sociopaths or big business head honchos ala Kick Ass, they give meaning and closure to the chiselled do-gooders who must, presumably, get bored after a while of wasting their talents on the mafioso or those people who never move down far enough on the tube. Who better than, than Dormammu, a Faltine energy-being who has historically tangled with the likes of Captain America, Spider-Man, Doctor Doom, has forged alliances with Loki and Shuma-Gorath, and has a constant conflagration going on up in his skull. You'd definitely need a pretty mean combo to take him out, but I feel my team-sheet would be up to the task...

Poster Child

- The 405

This week; some rather gorgeous art-house posters of films you should definitely track down before they stop showing shortly. And one other thing.

Trailer Park

- The 405