Music Festivals are meant to be highlights of the summer, packed full of weekends worth reminiscing about, and they are... sort of. But for every moment worth dropping 200ish quid for, there are a dozen other infuriating ones, and every killer headliner set comes with a drunken dickhead in mankini.

All told, our writers have been to a ton of festivals, and each and every single one of them has at least one problem to report. So we've put together a list to make it easy for event organisers. Address each of these points (even the dumb ones, and the answer that threatens self-inflicted genital mutilation) and you'd have yourself a perfect festival.


The Problem With Music Festivals and The Things We'd Change About Them

I'd like to reduce the amount of heritage acts that thief the top spots at festivals - Stone Roses weren't that great the first time round, we don't need them back. That, or the same MOR rock acts need to quit doing the rounds (Kings of Leon, Foo Fighters, Kasabian etc.) - it's just a bland oversaturation, and just 'cause they shift records by pandering to the lowest common denominator, doesn't mean they need to headline every festival going in the space of two years. - Larry Day

Proper kebabs: why, when you get to the end of a day's serious festival action and you're crawling on all fours, pissed and starving, to the nearest elephant leg, do they dare give you two strands of pretend meat in a bun with tomato sauce, and call it a large doner? Could of course only be me that cares about that. - Chris Lockie

Make all the Mondays that follow them a Bank Holiday exclusively for ticket-holders. - Max Sanderson

Less twats, and that goes for gigs too...and just general life. - Michell Kambasha

More "classic album performances". ATP do these regularly and they always go down a storm. I would sacrifice both testicles and a good proportion of the shaft to see Titus Andronicus perform The Monitor in its entirety. - Tom Jowett

More bars. Because nothing kills the festival vibe more effectively than waiting for ages - sometimes to the point of near sobriety - to get your libation/refill. - Chanun Poomsawai

I think that to change the current state of festivals just sharing old time headliners - I'm pretty sure V Festival has The Killers and Kings of Leon on a year-on-year-off basis - risks such as Reading and Leeds giving Biffy Clyro their first major headline slot need to be taken more often. - Will Richards

There should be OK restrictions at any festival about bringing your own food and drink into the main festival area. You've already shelled out a hefty amount for the ticket, you don't want to have to go and spend even more money on high-priced, mediocre street food from the stalls on top if that. - Rob Hakimian

I think there needs to be cheaper food and alcohol also all the line-up's seem to always be to similar - Carris Boast

Too many festivals are becoming too generic and losing whatever made them special in the first place. Aside from standing in a different field in a different part of the country, you'd be hard push to tell the difference between many line-ups; it's the same acts, on the same place on the bill, with many ending up with the same uneasy mish mash of edgy/indie/pop/underground/mainstream music. - Derek Robertson

WHY IS IT SIX POUNDS FIFTY FOR A FALAFAL WRAP and also luminous spandex onesies. They should frisk for those instead of ketamine. - Emma Garland

I'd love to see some fresher headliners. Not necessarily newer bands, but perhaps acts that haven't headlined 1000s of times before. Reading for example, this year, is pretty lacklustre headlining wise (perhaps except for Arctic Monkeys). Plus the ticket prices for Reading were pretty shitty this year - I feel like I've had to pay loads of different booking/dispatch fees etc. I'd also love to see some more funding injected into Hop Farm - great little festival, shame it went through a sucky year money-wise a couple of years back. - Kyle MacNeil

I guess this has to do with labels, but some festivals seem to have a problem with organising a coherent line-up. I mean seriously, do the Reading and Leeds people really think Queens and the Stone Age and Paramore go perfectly well together? - Ana Leorne

Loads of free mobile phone charge points (powered by renewable energy like cycling) or none at all. - Lyle Bignon

As far as the music goes, festivals are a bargain, but do they have to gouge us on food and drink? Cheaper concessions please. - John Faulkner

#ladz, the banter, the banter during quiet bands, the idea you can get away with it at a festival, the idea that you are somehow not a prick if you are a prick with a tent, food stalls that all charge the same price, quiet acoustic acts playing in the same field as a (pseudo) punk band, your thoughts of freedom, deep mud, deeper sticky welly stealing mud, likewise dust, likewise average weather, likewise every aspect of being outside and thinking about how we used to as a species live outside all of everyday and not get sunburnt or talk about skin cancer or flake out after drinking cider and being in the sun. - Wil Cook