Last week we received the utterly baffling news that Rinse FM's Julie Adenuga has started a petition for a life-sized statue of Wiley to go up in Bow. What better way to pay respect to grime's most disgruntled MC than to erect a monument to his greatness - perhaps people might forget his Glasto beefing and Twitter vitriol if the focus was shifted towards a hulking bronze effigy greeting commuters every dreary LDN morn. Credit to him, he's been a vital pioneer in the UK's electronic, dance, grime and hip-hop scenes for over a decade - but does that truly warrant a sculpture of him to be plonked on the pavement?

If Wiley's legacy commands a statue, surely that carves a dangerous precedent. Who next, Goldie? After all, his contributions to D'N'B and jungle have been fairly substantial. We can't go giving every Tom, Dick, and Harry a statue - people don't even want one of the Prince Of Pop.

If Wiley's memorial does go ahead and the levy is broken, there's sure to be a deluge of applications of people who 'need' to be statue-ified. So, in anticipation of that, here are our picks. Let it be known we call dibs on the next statue.

To be worthy of public art being installed in your honour, you need to have done something that's been a massive fucking deal. Championing a certain style of sound seems to do the trick pretty well. Putting a town on the map'll ensure it's done. Being an all-round boss at music is probably a winner too.

With that in mind, we nominate Morrissey to be the Mancunian candidate. The idea of the Gallagher's socking each other á la the freezeframe in Rocky III was tempting, but the amount that Liam's head would be inflated would block out the sun. No, Morrissey is a safer choice (marginally, it's not like he needs the ego-boost either). The Smiths are renowned the world over for spearheading a movement of guitar music and indie rock, and have been cemented in various media for decades. Morrissey himself has always been a divisive but focal figure in music, and whatever you think of him, there's no doubt a statue of 'This Charming Man' would provoke hearty debate on both sides. Maybe, for the sheer hell of it, the statue could be of him tucking in to a Big Mac. Oh, how the sparks would fly...

Or how about someone relatively unknown? Y'know, like a ruddy huge PR stunt to summon interest in an up-and-coming artist. You could have statues cropping up all over the country, and when the blinkered public see them they'll just go: "Huh?" but then hurriedly scurry to their computers to find out who's going to be stood in their high street for the next century. It would be expensive, yes, but you can't put a price tag on the kind of exposure you'd get. How insane would it be to wander to Gregg's on your lunch hour only to see a monolithic pewter Py glaring vacantly into the distance?

Some ideas are foregone conclusions. The Beatles are - Queen too. Kate Bush, The Who and Pink Floyd. Amy Winehouse, Led Zep and Sabbath. Adele? Some of those already exist. Even a legend like David Bowie is probably too obvious. It would need to be a fresh take if another statue of a British icon were to be commissioned. For example, Bristol's recent Gromit Unleashed charity walk could be inspiration. How about a collection of Bowies, all dolled up from various moments in his career, from Ziggy Stardust to The Thin White Duke, dotted around Brixton? Local artists could contribute and design new Bowies, or alter-ego Bowies. We could see Batman Bowie and Elvis Bowie and Damien Hirst's diamond-encrusted, goldfish-filled Bowie skeleton. A surreal trek it would be, but now, if ever, is the prime moment for it. A simultaneously hilarious and terrifying experience, much like tripping balls in Madame Tussauds, but for all the family.

As for contemporary artists shaking up life as we know it, you don't get much more impressive than M.I.A.. Since her first forays into music, she's been on the frontier, expanding and exploring sounds, channelling world styles with hip-hop and dance, creating experimental paeans of that make you take a beat to think and make you convulse in hedonistic ecstasy. She's proved she can be a master of pop ('Paper Planes') and an outspoken advocate of civil rights and social issues in her music ('Born Free'), as well as out of it. She's a leading philanthropist too, funding and founding her own charity, Youth Action International, in order to help child soldiers and poverty-stricken infants in Africa. To cap it all off, it feels like we're only at the beginning of her career. It feels like she's got a lot more to say and do. If there's anyone that deserves a statue it's M.I.A - not just for her musical efforts over the years, but for her involvement in myriad causes, and her dedication to helping people the world over. A righteous choice if ever there was one.

It could be a mite out of our jurisdiction, but quite frankly, we reckon that Nile Rodgers has done more than enough to warrant being turned ornamental. His influence on funk, pop, disco, R&B and soul during the '70s and '80s was palpable - everywhere you turned, from Madonna to Duran Duran, from Diana Ross to Sister Sledge, Rodgers' deft touch could be felt. But it's not only his historic achievements that are stellar, as in recent times he's completely revived his golden era - David Guetta, Daft Punk and Pharrell have all penned sounds with the man. He might not be as well known as some other NYC natives, but damn, it would just be so right. Imagine, a veritable colossus, perhaps stationed opposite Lady Liberty, welcoming one and all to the harbour of the Big Apple. Super tasteful.

When it comes to rap, there are countless contenders. Nas, Jay-Z, Biggie, Dr. Dre, Tupac, Andre 3000 and Eminem are all names bandied around for GOAT status - and deservedly - but none of them really need a statue made of them (though frankly, does anyone?). In fact, it would probably serve to draw attention away from the applaudable moments that got them there; a more likely scenario is that it would incite a spate of diss tracks centred around the theme of 'I have a statue, you don't', and subsequently a wave of rappers requisitioning custom-built homages to their own sense of self-worth. Predicting that outcome, a better choice might be Kanye West. But not lifesize. Pocket-sized. A tiny, 4'' statue of Yeezus, held up by the scruff of his neck, being fed to a nest of baby pigeons by a humongous marble mummy pigeon. He'd have his arms crossed and he'd be scowling. Why? Because the fallout (read: hissy-fit) would be fantastic viewing.

If we go back to basics, and back to similar reasons for the petition that started this all, then realistically, if any statues get made, it'll be due to the hard graft of fans of a distinct genre campaigning ceaselessly. Wiley's proved his mettle as the crown prince of grime; anyone else would need to complete a certain and stringent set of criteria. While Goldie has indeed shaped dance music indelibly, it's hard to imagine his image forever immortalised in the centre of Walsall. If we continue down the 'essential dance artists' route, then perhaps Burial would be an apt choice. That would be interesting.

Back in the real world though, where councils have much better things to be doing than spending taxpayer's dosh on statues of musicians, it's not particularly likely anything will happen. That's probably for the best. Just imagine, in some parallel universe where Wiley does get a statue, how many drunk people would dry hump him. It's a nice thought, a nice way to display respect to a revered individual, but in reality, he probably wouldn't be too fond of wasted muppets pretending to fuck his likeness.