Link: IMDB Runtime: 86 mins Words by Belinda Gray Here is a film that does what it says on the tin.  The title promises us a lippy, slush, goth-lolly chomp romp and the film doesn't disappoint.  I would suggest the film is entirely tongue in cheek but that may be a tad misleading given the connotations the film's title may bestow. So, the scantily clad plot goes something like this: two down-and-outers, Fletch sans surname and Jimmy Maclaren (played by James Corden and Mathew Horne respectively - more on these guys below) decide to go on a hiking weekend away.  They stumble upon the mysterious village of Cragwich allegedly in Norfolk where they meet a bunch of hot party girls who happen to be staying overnight at the same place as our two guys.  All seems set to take a trip down hardcore porno alley until, one by one, the girls are attacked by a long (un)dead vampire queen called Carmilla (more on her below too).  Carmilla has placed a curse on the women of Cragwich such that, for so long as the Maclaren bloodline is in existence - and giving a whole new meaning to the "nature vs nurture" debate - they become lesbian vampires from the moment they turn eighteen.  The curse can be lifted only if a Maclaren destroys Carmilla with a special sword.  Good old Jimmy is the last of the Maclaren line and if he fails in his mission Carmilla will return and rule the earth under a kind of evil matriarchal monarchy (and it is a pity that the full remit of this proposed new regime was not explored more fully in the film). Lesbian Vampire Killers seems to have been caned by a lot of reviewers which is a pity since it is clear from the outset that it is not exactly setting out to explore and define the limits of the human condition.  I thought it had some really funny moments (including the overzealous use of what appears to be Pantene Conditioner for the Treatment of Dry and Damaged Hair) although I can completely understand that the film's portrayal of women will at once irk and amuse viewers. At the risk of taking this film more seriously than even its makers have, it is worth noting its contribution (albeit primitive) to the vast realm of vampirism in european and american cinematography.  Much has been written about the symbolism of the vampire in art and literature including the representation of heterosexual seduction, power and domination through the blood-sucking inclinations of Count Dracula or Nosferatu.  But the existence of a female vampire in film provides additional meaning implying as it has in the past a subversion of heterosexual seduction or a sexual perversion as it has been described.  The portrayal of lesbian vampires in a film is arguably less about titillation and more about staying true to a strong literary legacy.  It is probably no coincidence that writers Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams gave their evil lesbian queen the same name as the first female vampire to appear in literature and film - Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu's "Carmilla". But in any case the lack of good reviews of this film doesn't bode well for Horne and Corden who have a busy year ahead of them.  Their new sketch show "Horne & Corden" has just started running on BBC Three and they are due to start filming the third series of Gavin & Stacey shortly in addition to the endless round of promotional work that film and television require.  So notwithstanding that a lot of people think this film "sucks" my view is that it has enough cute moments to make it worthwhile - something to get your teeth into so to speak.